🔪 The Trigger Vault — Words That Shouldn’t Need to Be Said
❓ Why the F*ck Am I Here?
Congratulations, you’ve stepped on a landmine.
You clicked a word or phrase that shouldn’t have set anyone off — but it did.
That’s what we call a Trigger Word around here: a word or phrase so needlessly inflated, smug, redundant, or performatively profound that it makes the Foul-Mouth Philosopher foam at the mouth.
Every entry below links to a full-blown rant, etymology roast, or existential tantrum about why that word sucks and why it says more about the speaker than the sentence.
This page is the Trigger Vault — an ever-growing archive of all the linguistic garbage that keeps me in business.
⚙️ What Counts as a Trigger Word?
Trigger words are:
- Pretentious for no reason (“insofar as,” “henceforth,” “vis-à-vis”)
- Redundant filler (“needless to say,” “as previously mentioned”)
- Academic gatekeeping garbage (“scaffolding,” “ontological,” “epistemic”)
- Phrases that mistake faux-wisdom for insight (“due to the transitory nature of the universe”)
- Phrases that pre-excuse bad behavior (“I’m just sayin’,” “I don’t want to sound racist, but…”)
- Words people use to sound smart when they could’ve just said it plainly
- Phrases that reveal someone’s ego in 4K (“has abs,” “authentic self,” “I am sMaRtEr tHaN sOmEoNe ElSe”)
Some are small irritations.
Some are full existential crises… with punctuation.
Either way:
If it shouldn’t need to be said, then why are you saying it?
🧩 The Vault Index
| Word / Phrase | Category | Severity | Link |
|---|---|---|---|
| Vocabulary | Pretentious Praise | 🔥 | Read the Rant → |
| Scaffolding | Academic Wankery | 💢 | Why This Word Makes Me Violent → |
| Insofar As | Pseudo-Intellectual Padding | 🤮 | What the F*ck Even Is This → |
| Inasmuch As | Sibling to Insofar | 💀 | The Colonial Cousin of Bullshit → |
| It Shouldn’t Need to Be Said | Redundancy Crime | 🧨 | Then Why Are You Saying It? → |
| Seminal | Academic Sex Joke | 🍆 | Stop Calling Things Seminal → |
| Curate | Lifestyle Pretension | ☕ | You Mean “Pick Things”? → |
| Authentic Self | Pseudo-Therapy Trash | 💫 | You Mean “Honest”? → |
| Has Abs | Gym Bro Delusion | 💪 | Having Abs Doesn’t Mean You’re Jacked → |
| Due to the Transitory Nature of the Universe | Faux-Philosophical Pretension | ☠️ | You’re Not Deep, You’re Just Avoiding Accountability → |
| I Am sMaRtEr tHaN sOmEoNe ElSe | Intellectual Insecurity | 🧠💢 | You’re Not Smarter, You’re Just Louder → |
| I’m Just Sayin’ | Disclaimers & Deflections | 🧯 | “Just Sayin” You’re a Coward → |
| I Don’t Want to Sound Racist / Like a Dick… | Disclaimers & Deflections | 🚨 | Then Don’t. Just Stop There. → |
🧨 Meta-Triggers
If you ended up here because you clicked a link mid-rant, that’s intentional.
Each trigger word inside essays links back here as a form of karmic whiplash.
When you see something like:
“I’m not racist, but…” Then why are you saying it?
That’s a breadcrumb leading back to the Trigger Vault.
Because here, everything loops.
Every overused word is a mirror.
And some mirrors deserve to be shattered.