🤓 Pretentious for No Reason
Every generation breeds a new species of person who thinks English isn’t complete until they’ve dressed it for the opera.
They can’t say “also”; it’s “insofar as.”
They can’t say “from now on”; it’s “henceforth.”
They can’t say “about”; it’s “vis-à-vis.”
It’s like watching someone pour truffle oil on a hotdog.
Congratulations, it still tastes like asshole.
The Sin
These are the linguistic equivalent of cufflinks on sweatpants — unnecessary, insecure, and trying way too hard to look educated.
They don’t make your point sharper; they make it slippery.
They tell the reader, “Look at me, I own a thesaurus and zero self-awareness.”
The Translation Guide
| Pretentious Word | You Could’ve Just Said |
|---|---|
| Insofar As | Also / Since / Because |
| Henceforth | From now on / Going forward |
| Vis-à-vis | About / Compared to / That |
If you can replace your word with one a tired bartender would use, do that.
Language doesn’t need a tuxedo to tell the truth.
The Commandment
Say what you mean like you’re talking to a human, not auditioning for a tenure track.
Callout
So next time you feel the urge to drop “henceforth” into an email, take a breath, type “from now on,” and move the fuck on.
Nobody’s giving out medals for verbal gymnastics.