“To understand the Foul-Mouth Philosopher, one must first ask not what he said; but what he probably meant.”– attributed (later disavowed) to the FMP (Foul-Mouth Philosopher), Interview That Definitely Happened (2023) Overview “The FMP Probably Means Cum” is an interpretive meme, philosophical shorthand, and minor ideological skirmish surrounding the writings of the Foul-Mouth Philosopher (FMP). …
People love to say “the truth hurts.”Nah.Truth only hurts if you’re lying. I can say outlandish shit about myself because I’m not trying to keep up a façade.Or maybe I am. Maybe I’m such a dark-souled bastard that the stuff I admit out loud is just the smoke screen.Maybe the performance is the confession. Either …
I don’t get people who get offended when other people are offended by racial slurs.Like, you’re not even the one being targeted — why are you volunteering as tribute for the bigot brigade? I love pointing out when I’m being racist toward white people. It always gets the white crowd giggling and nodding along, like …
You’ve spent your whole goddamn life being told to tone it down, to keep it polite, to “use your inside voice.” Guess what? That inside voice is what’s been choking you to death. That little whisper you’ve been trained to live in? That’s not humility. That’s a muzzle. Your voice is not some dainty accessory. …
I don’t really think my mother likes me, not in the cinematic, “we’re enemies” kind of way. more in the chemical-mismatch way. I’m the smell she can’t stand but can’t identify in the fridge. she spends all of saturday gutting it, muttering about “chicken-shit” leftovers, and by the end she’s mad at the fridge itself; …
You ever meet that guy who’s just trying so hard to be one of the good ones? Yeah, that’s me. I’m the human equivalent of a “This is fine” meme wearing a feminist T-shirt and holding my therapy rock. I’m out here desperately auditioning for sainthood like it’s an open mic night at the Woke …
The Foul-Mouth Philosopher Manifesto Who the F*ck I Am & Why You’re Here 🗣️ Who the F*ck Is Talking My name is Joshua Van Leuven and I’m the Foul-Mouth Philosopher, and this is the Foul-Mouth Philosopher Manifesto. Not a guru, not your life coach, not here to sell you a juice cleanse or some weak-ass …
😇 Fake Humility — My Most Polished Sin Let’s be honest; I have fake humility down to an art form. It’s my favorite camouflage. My emotional shapeshifter. It lets me sound self-aware and superior in the same breath; like, “Oh, I don’t take myself too seriously,” while I’m literally publishing a blog called Foul-Mouth Philosopher. …
💬 Just Sayin’: The Coward’s Comma There is no phrase more cowardly than “just sayin’.” It’s the linguistic equivalent of a nervous giggle after a punch to the face; an attempt to retreat into innocence after launching something cruel, stupid, or both. “Just sayin’” isn’t communication. It’s a parasitic disclaimer; a soft landing for people …
The Trigger Vault; Words That Shouldn’t Need to Be Said Why the f*ck am I here? Congratulations, you stepped on a landmine. You clicked a word or phrase that shouldn’t have set anyone off; but it did. That’s what we call a Trigger Word around here: language so needlessly inflated, smug, redundant, or performatively profound …