“To understand the Foul-Mouth Philosopher, one must first ask not what he said; but what he probably meant.”
– attributed (later disavowed) to the FMP (Foul-Mouth Philosopher), Interview That Definitely Happened (2023)
Overview
“The FMP Probably Means Cum” is an interpretive meme, philosophical shorthand, and minor ideological skirmish surrounding the writings of the Foul-Mouth Philosopher (FMP). The phrase began as an offhand remark in the comments section of one of his early essays, and metastasized into a sprawling, multi-disciplinary debate about intent, authorship, and the limits of self-referential irony.
To date, no official clarification has been issued by the FMP, though several statements that “sound clarifying” have only worsened the confusion.
[Editor’s note: He clarified it. Then un-clarified it. Then clarified that he un-clarified it on purpose.]
Etymology and Origin
The phrase’s earliest documented appearance (c. 2021) is believed to have come from a user known only as LymphLad in response to a post titled “Touch Yourself, You Dumb Bastard (Therapeutically)”.
The original line read:
“I think the fmp probably means cum.” [sic]
This sentence; a perfect collision of conjecture, body fluids, and semiotic confusion – became the seed of an interpretive movement.
Within hours, replies alternated between agreement (“He probably does”) and denial (“He never does, that’s why it’s genius”). By the next morning, the comment had been pinned, screenshot, deleted, reposted, and engraved in digital folklore.
The Debate
Two principal schools of thought emerged:
1. The Literalist School
Argues that “the FMP probably means cum” should be taken at face value.
To Literalists, the Foul-Mouth Philosopher’s language of catharsis, ritual, and bodily transcendence inevitably collapses into the erotic.
They cite his repeated invocation of release, flow, eruption, climax, and purification through offering as evidence that “cum” is not merely a biological function but an epistemological event — the moment when knowing becomes expulsion.
“For him, cum is logos; and logos, like cum, stains everything it touches.” — Dr. Harland Veer, Journal of Applied Blasphemy (Vol. 9 Iss. 486 (Blood Moon Season))
2. The Meta-Denialists
Hold that “probably means cum” is a misread of the Foul-Mouth Philosopher’s meta-structure.
They maintain that he doesn’t mean cum so much as he means meaning itself, and that the erotic charge is an incidental side effect of writing honestly about embodiment.
“To assume he means cum is to confess you were aroused by sincerity.” — Anonymous Editor, Revision 37
The FMP himself has at times sided with neither, calling both camps “tragically dehydrated.”
Scholarly Interpretations
Some academics consider “probably means cum” a hermeneutic koan — a self-negating assertion that destabilizes the authority of interpretation itself.
Others view it as a test of reader projection: the degree to which a person’s discomfort with the word cum reveals their threshold for confronting authenticity.
One graduate thesis attempted to statistically analyze every FMP usage of bodily language and concluded that 93 percent of his metaphors “might, arguably, mean cum”, though this finding was later withdrawn after a data-entry intern “stopped being able to tell what words were words anymore.”
Controversy I; The Cum-or-Consciousness Schism
The first major schism erupted in early 2022, when the subreddit r/FMPstudies was split between Cumists (those insisting he literally meant cum) and Consciousness-centrists (those claiming he was referring to an energetic awakening).
The Cumists argued that sanitizing his intent betrayed his mission to de-stigmatize bodily truth.
The Centrists countered that collapsing his spiritual metaphors into ejaculation was “like insisting that baptism is just advanced water sports.”
The subreddit moderators locked the thread after 13 hours and two doctoral dissertations were posted in all caps and no punctuation.
One moderator summarized: “We have achieved perfect semantic climax. No one is satisfied.”
Controversy II: The Edit War of Twenty Oh 3 (c. 2023)
On the 14th of July 2023, a wiki contributor inserted the line:
“The FMP has publicly confirmed that he probably means cum.”
Within minutes, another user reverted the edit, adding:
“[citation absolutely needed].”
This marked the beginning of what is now known as The Edit War of 2023, during which the article changed hands 117 times in 48 hours.
Notable moments include:
- The introduction of the now-infamous Cum Citation Template ({{CitationDrip}})
- The brief vandalization where every instance of FMP was replaced with CFM (Cum-Fueled Messiah)
- And the anonymous insertion of an image captioned “Artist’s impression (sticky)”, which remains redacted but widely mirrored elsewhere.
Eventually, a truce was brokered when the FMP himself appeared in the talk page to comment:
“You’re both right. But only one of you came.”
— Signed simply, “-jvl”
Interpretive Frameworks
Linguistic Analysis
From a semantic standpoint, “probably means cum” functions as a liminal modality; neither assertion nor denial, but a suspended probability field.
Grammatical theorists have noted its recursive rhythm: probably softens means, while means hardens probably.
Theological Readings
Among the Goddess Project adherents, the phrase is read as a sacred pun, symbolizing the unification of the creative and the carnal.
Cum is both origin and offering, an act of truth that burns sin but not skin.
Psychoanalytic Takes
Freudians, predictably, agree with the Literalists.
Lacanians insist the FMP “speaks through the hole of the Real.”
The FMP, in response, posted a single line to his blog:
“Freud probably meant cum too.”
Controversy III; The Merchandising Disaster
In 2024, the Foul-Mouth Philosopher store briefly listed a hoodie emblazoned with
“THE FMP PROBABLY MEANS CUM.”
After selling out in 12 minutes, it was pulled when several online payment processors flagged the word cum as “biologically explicit.”
The FMP re-released it under the sanitized title “The FMP Probably Means Come (Back Later)”, which only worsened confusion and tripled sales.
The inevitable follow-up, “The FMP Probably Means Come On Over Anytime!”, further inflamed the fandom threads, prompting accusations that the Philosopher had entered his “Late Seminal Phase.”
[Editor’s note: He absolutely has.]
Cultural Reception
Mainstream media outlets have alternated between fascination and disgust, calling the debate “a case study in how irony reproduces itself faster than shame.”
Critics praise the Foul Mouth Philosopher for “weaponizing sincerity,” while detractors accuse him of “semantic edging.”
Within his fandom, “he probably means cum” serves as a kind of shibboleth — assuming anyone actually knows what shibboleth means. Which they don’t.
[Editor’s note: i get it, damejudydench]
[Talk page excerpt, 2025]
— User :FMPTruthBurns: “He doesn’t mean cum.”
— User :AnonymousEditor42: “He probably doesn’t not mean cum.”
— User :_FMP (verified): “stop capitalizing it, you prudes.”
Legacy
Despite multiple re-writes, takedowns, and leaked drafts, the entry persists; much like the bodily process it obsesses over; in cycles of buildup, release, and recurrence.
Scholars now treat “The Foul-Mouth Philosopher Probably Means Cum” as a living document, one that refuses to be pinned down to a single climax.
It continues to mutate, reflect, and return, serving as the Foul-Mouth Philosopher’s most enduring testament:
Truth burns sin, not skin; and probably means cum.
(Page last modified 13 October 2025, 4:12 PM. Revision 137. Editor note: Please stop adding the word “literally” before “means.”)