📝 “You’re Already Enlightened, Dumbass (or how twenty years of yoga, meditation, and cosmic nonsense taught me nothing new except that enlightenment is just remembering you’re fine)”

10/25/2025 — self aware — damejudydench
Surreal collage illustration for 'You’re Already Enlightened, Dumbass' — Foul-Mouth Philosopher
Featured image: surreal office collage for “You’re Already Enlightened, Dumbass.”

Time to read: The body to create ~330 million red cells

I’ve been doing yoga since I was nineteen.
Meditating since thirteen.
I can fall in and out of trance like it’s a public pool.

Walking meditation, seated meditation, eyes open, eyes closed, eyes half-lidded like a housecat.
Yogic breathing, square breathing, breathwork in general.
I can still my breath. I can slow my heart.

Lucid dreaming. Astral projection. Dream-walking. Leaving my body like negative Yelp reviews.

Aerial yoga, hot yoga, yin yoga, restorative yoga, kundalini yoga, kriya yoga.
Asana and prana and all that jazz.
I know yoga is about breathing—the other stuff is just to distract your monkey mind.

Know some leylines in the body, can sense energy, Daoist self-massage and Daoist meditation.
I wore mala beads and rosary beads. Crucifix at the entrance of my house.
Got a Buddha tattoo over my heart chakra. Also have the Tao tattooed on my chest opposite the cross tattoo on my heart.

I sit in the siddh asana when I meditate because it is the “perfect posture.”
I say the Our Father and Apostles’ Creed ’cuz they are the only two prayers you really need to know.
I believe in miracles and transmogrification.

I’ve read Wisdom of the Buddha, Dao Te Ching, I Ching, The Vedas, Thus Spake Zarathustra, the Bhagavad Gita, Tibetan Book of the Dead, the Gospels, Psalms, On Being, A General Theory of Relativity, A Brief History of Time, et al.

I read source texts. I read reference manuals. I study other religions and cultures, not just the Instagram versions.

I go to church regularly. I grew up Catholic. I was an altar boy. I even toyed with the idea of becoming a priest.
I recognize holy people and call them such. I know what a bodhisattva is—both the definition and in real life.
I know who Budai is and know Buddha was from Nepal.

I have experienced the Divine. I’ve been scared by it. I’ve laughed at it, cried at its feet. Hell, I’ve even screamed at it.

I’m not making this shit up.

But here’s the thing you need to understand: I’m not flexing on anyone because there’s no trick or skill to anything I just said.
You can do it too. It just takes practice.

You just don’t want to invest the time, and honestly?

Don’t.

It is a waste of time.

You are enlightened.
You just keep forgetting what that actually looks like.

💡 Leave your incense sticks at the door and comment below about how enlightened you already are.
The Foul-Mouth Philosopher wants your stories.


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